Hey friends! Let me share with you how fear and self-doubt can gnaw away at your confidence and how you can manage to successfully cope with it.
The first thing you need to overcome is to stop doubting the abilities the Universe has endowed upon you.
This positive attitude will prepare you to take smart risks in your life and thus lead you to the path of a successful life.
We usually lose confidence when we take criticism seriously and begin to doubt our unique abilities.
With greater confidence, we can liberate ourselves from social anxiety and reduce concern about what others might think of us.
For example, on many occasions, lack of confidence prevented me from achieving personal and professional goals whereas having self-confidence gave me positive energy and motivated me to take the necessary steps towards achieving my goals.
The more confident and energized I got the better prepared I became to take immediate actions.
Here I am going to explore 7 confidence destroyers that I avoided to reach my maximum potential.
1. Low Evaluation of Myself
Low self-esteem is one of the major confidence destroyers. Many a time in my life low evaluation of myself made me think that I was not good enough.
It usually happened when others told me that I was not talented enough to complete the given task.
This made me dissatisfied with who I am so I began to doubt my abilities. Such demoralizing comments even came from my parents, teachers, preachers, and friends.
Avoiding such people was quite difficult but I aimed to condition my mind to overlook what these people were saying. I aimed not to believe their lies but to believe in my truth and in myself.
When you begin to believe in yourself, people start believing in you. So, stop listening to naysayers and critics who do not know you. If you know in your heart that you are good enough and can complete the task, it is enough. There is no one else who can limit you in the world.
Lack of confidence makes us prone to fall prey to insecurities which push us to indulge in many useless and harmful activities that consume our invaluable energy and time.
So, decide today to make the following affirmation every day:
’I will do whatever it will take me to reach my goals and no one can stop me from becoming what God has willed for me’
Believe that you have everything you need in order to succeed.
2. Fear
Fear is another major confidence destroyer. Fear has different forms such as
the fear of poverty,
the fear of criticism,
the fear of rejection,
the fear of failure and the fear of not being successful.
Honestly speaking, these fears held us back from becoming the best version of ourselves. So, decide now to look for the answer as to why you are fearful of a certain issue. Identify the root cause of such insecurities.
Knowing the main reason behind a particular fear will enable you to tackle it successfully. Thinking about the ‘why’ factor will lead you to the answer of ‘how to deal with the given difficult situation.
The bigger the ‘why’ becomes the clearer the ‘how’ gets.
This approach makes us a better decision-maker. So, stop fearing what others might say about you. Remember the fact that if you want to change your way of living you have to change the way of your thinking.
Hence, the recipe for destroying the fear is to confront it, attack it, and destroy it as Chanakya puts it:
As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it.
Let me give you my personal example. In my teens, I knew I had been gifted with making an impactful speech so I aimed to participate in speech contests, but I was afraid of facing the audience.
My biggest fear was of forgetting my speech. Yet I was not ready to succumb to my fears rather I decided to surmount them.
I decided to search for the answer to why I was afraid and how I could overcome this weakness. This search led me to the right answer and that was that I should practice and memorize the speech to the extent that I could effortlessly deliver words without making any conscious effort.
So, I practised my speech day in and day out while sitting in the classroom, having meals, and even going to the market. There was hardly any time when I was not practising and imagining myself as if I was making a speech in the contest.
The more I practised, the more confident I became.
On the day of the contest, my confidence was so high that I told one of my fellow students before the contest that I would be the winner.
Even though some best speakers were participating in the contest and were the favorites of the audience, I managed to successfully deliver the speech.
As the result was announced, I stood first.
It was the practice that allowed me to win the contest.
I got success because I discovered the root cause of my fear and then confronted it and worked on my plan wholeheartedly.
3. Worry
Worry is another culprit that destroys our confidence.
I think worrying is the greatest waste of imagination.
Imagination is a powerful tool and its proper use can change our life for the better.
What actually happens is that worry takes place in our minds and cancels the faith as both cannot coexist.
To replace worry with faith, try to discover the things that bother you. These worries can be related to lack of money, health issues, job situations, and lost opportunities.
In fact, 90 percent of the things we worry about are not in our control and we cannot do anything to change them. So, better not to bother about them.
On the other hand, begin to focus on the 10 percent of things you have control over and leave the 90 percent to the Universe.
Friends, let me tell you, it was faith and self-belief that always helped me to handle a difficult situation.
I conquered my higher dreams and overcame self-lamenting beliefs by having faith and stopping worrying.
4. Criticism
Criticism is another killer of your confidence.
On many occasions in our lives, criticism of friends, or even our loved ones put doubts in our hearts. They inadvertently instilled fear within us to keep us out of danger.
For example, some will say: that your business will never work because your uncle failed in it. If you tried it might not work for you either.
I later came to know that many of them did not have the required knowledge about certain things. They were just making general statements without having accurate information.
Later on, I realized that it doesn’t mean that if someone is sincere s/he is telling the truth.
Many a time, we listen to the voice of doubt because we miss out on the voice of reason. We listen to others ‘lies because we haven’t learned to think for myself.
So, I decided that I wouldn’t take guidance from those who do not have the required information and are not professional.
From then on, I gather all the information myself and then develop my own perspective. This habit has made me a better decision-maker in my life.
I am convinced that by bringing change in my mentality I can change my reality.
In other words, changing the way I view things changed the way I Do things.
I could change because I stopped thinking about what other people think about me.
Opinions of others have stopped so many people from living up to their dreams.
I believe no one can criticize us for being who we really are. I have seen many people wasting their time and money and efforts in pursuing other people’s dreams just because they listen to the voice of criticism.
That is why I have learned to take control of my own life. No one’s opinion of me can become my reality.
I am certain if I feed my faith fears I will begin to die and if I believe in myself then everyone will start believing in me.
5. Cowardice
Cowardice is equally lethal to our self-confidence.
I have experienced this many a time in my life that I feared to act even if I had all the information, I needed to be successful. I failed to make a last-minute decision because I was afraid.
Although I was bordering on the right decision, I could not pull the trigger and this all happened because of cowardice.
Sometimes I was so afraid of the consequences that I became reluctant to work on my plan even though I believed the plan to be good. I became too afraid of repercussions.
Here I can say from my experience that avoiding over-thinking and cowardice helped me make the right decisions in my life which then led me to the right position.
So, stop yourself from being afraid. Do whatever it takes to overcome cowardice, overcome over-thinking and make decisions.
6. Conformity
In this world of the enormity of conformity, everyone is doing what others are doing. People are copying each other because they think they are right.
Most people conform because they don’t know any better. While there are large opportunities to do something different from what conformists do.
That is why I do the opposite equivalent, meaning does the exact opposite of what failures do. If my friend is smoking 20 cigarettes a day I try to complete 20 chapters of a book. I do the opposite of what people do.
One of my mentors Daniel Ally explains this point in his own words:
When I was growing up, I saw so many people fear money. I thought to myself why so many people are afraid of being broke? Then I realized people had bills to pay. When I grew up I said to myself I would not be afraid of what these numbers say. Instead, I would ask myself what I can do about this, what changes I can make, and how I can come out of this situation. So, in order to change reality, I started to change my mentality. I started to change the way I saw that bill.
I mastered myself in such a way that I could pay the bill 6 or even 12 months ahead of time. Because I saw how people thought I started to think about how I should think. I thought they are afraid but I will have faith. I did the opposite of what they did I thought I would do the opposite of what they did.
I confronted my fears I began to worry about my skills. I said to myself, if I focused on the skills, it would pay the bills.
So, this proves that If I have the skills, I will be able to pay the bills.
Whenever I talk to failures and homeless people, and ask them what decision they took which led them to become broke. They begin to make excuses. They have a victim-minded mentality.
So, I did the opposite of what other failures suggested to do.
7. Small Thinking
Small thinking is a conglomeration of what I have discussed above. Thinking too small limits our potential and hinders our personal and professional growth.
It prevents us from recognizing and pursuing impactful opportunities, leading us to settle for less and underutilize our abilities.
First, we need to leave the company of small thinkers. Because small thinkers live in a basement where rats dwell. From there they cannot even see the window. Living in such confined places makes them feel small.
On the other hand, big thinkers have eagle mentality. They live like an eagle that loves to fly high and face the storm. They have higher thoughts.
That is why, we need to surround ourselves with big thinkers and read better books.
We can’t allow ourselves to become victims but victorious and become in charge of our lives, health, future, and responsibilities.
Big goals help us continue to fight no matter the circumstances. In face of difficulties, we need to change our strategies, and reinvent our life.
We need to refuse to be trapped in the past, be ready to expand ourselves and take ourselves outside our comfort zone.
Because if we stayed in our comfort zone, we would not be successful. We have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable because there is no progress in living in our comfort zone.
Friends, we have two choices, either live our life disappointed or have a new beginning. We have to keep faith if we wish to change the situation.
We don’t have the luxury of being depressed. We have to clear my head.
Conclusion
In short, if we allow any external factor or opinion to shatter our confidence, we will never be able to live a happier and more satisfying life. Remember, more confidence will lead you to more competence and more competence will lead to more confidence.
